Feel it to Heal it: Emotions 101
Emotions are a universal part of the human experience, and they can greatly help us understand ourselves and the world around us. Yet we are often scared of certain emotions, or try to push them away. Emotions can feel like a mystery—complex, overwhelming, or even inconvenient at times. But what if we shifted our perspective? What if, instead of seeing emotions as something to control or avoid, we recognized them as valuable messengers guiding us toward deeper self-awareness and healing?
In this post, we’ll explore how emotions are important, and how learning to feel them and navigate them can help us move through them and enhance our well-being. Whether you find yourself overwhelmed by , scared of, or disconnected from feelings, this is your invitation to better understand and embrace the emotional landscape that makes us human.
Let’s dive in. 🌟
What are emotions?
You may have heard various definitions of emotions:
• Emotions are energy in motion.
• Emotions are internal reactions to our experiences.
• Emotions are not facts.
While these are all true, let’s explore a simpler, more approachable way to understand emotions, drawing from Emotion-Focused Therapy:
Emotions Are Not Symptoms—They’re Messengers
Many of us experience an emotion and immediately react to it. When it’s an uncomfortable emotion, our instinct might be to avoid, dismiss, or ignore it. We may view emotions as a sign of weakness, feel scared of them, or believe it’s not okay to feel them at all.
What if we reframed how we think about emotions? Instead of seeing them as something to fix or suppress, we could see them as messengers carrying valuable information about our internal world.
For example, the next time you feel an emotion or have a reaction to one, take a moment to pause. Consider the emotion as a message—not reality. It might be saying:
• “I see danger ahead.”
• “My boundaries have been crossed.”
• “I’m worried about an outcome.”
These emotional messages can offer insight into what we need or how we should respond.
Tip: Approach your emotions with curiosity, as if you’re an investigator gathering facts. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? What is this emotion trying to tell me? What does it want me to notice or address? This mindset can help you build a healthier, more compassionate relationship with your feelings.
Typical Messages We Receive from Emotions:
• Sadness: Signals loss
• Anger: Indicates a violation
• Anxiety/Fear: Alerts to possible danger or an unwanted scenario
• Shame: Suggests feeling socially defective or acting inappropriately
• Guilt: Points to harm done to a valued other
• Disgust: Signals something offensive, dirty, or indigestible
• Interest/Curiosity: Highlights something novel or unknown
• Joy/Happiness: Reflects achievement or connection
Emotions Have Needs, and Needs Lead to Actions
Every emotion we feel carries a message, and that message points to an underlying need. When we avoid emotions or respond in ways that go against their needs, we often get stuck or feel worse over time.
For example:
If you feel sadness because you miss a friend, you might distract yourself by playing video games, which offers temporary relief but doesn’t address the core need for connection. However, if you honor the need behind that sadness—reaching out to your friend—you’ll likely feel closer to them and find it easier to move through the emotion.
Without anger, we would not know our boundaries
Without fear, we wouldn’t flee dangerous situations
Without curiosity, we would never explore new things
Without compassion, we would never care for others
There are no Negative or Unproductive Emotions
By now, I hope you see how helpful our emotions truly are. Each one exists for a reason, and all emotions serve a purpose.
That said, some emotions can feel overwhelming or downright uncomfortable. They’re the ones we’d rather avoid at all costs. As I write this, even my own deepest fears come to mind. Yes, they are difficult to sit with, but they also hold incredible value. Without them, I wouldn’t gain insights about myself or the areas of my life that need attention.
You might be thinking, But what about trauma? It’s true that trauma can cause us to experience emotions that feel out of proportion to the situation or to fear things that aren’t actually dangerous. However, even these emotions carry important messages.
When trauma-related emotions arise, they often signal unmet needs or unresolved wounds that require healing. These feelings are not your enemy—they are messengers pointing you toward the work that needs to be done to move forward.
One of my favorite quotes captures this idea beautifully:
You have to arrive at your emotions before you can leave them. - Les Greeneberg
There is no way around the uncomfortable emotions. We have to feel it to heal it. We have to arrive before we can leave.
Review of Steps to Arrive at Your Emotions
Listen and explore with curiosity to gather useful information:
What is my mind saying right now?
What Is my body feeling?
What is an urge that I’m having?
Any memories popping up right now?
What would I label this emotion as? Use this feelings wheel to help!
2. Identify the NEED *This is different than the urge.
*Note- This is not a definitive list. This image shares some examples of emotions, messages, and needs. I would like for you to make your own chart specific to yourself!
When arriving at your emotions is difficult
I often remind my clients (and myself) that this work is hard. If feeling and understanding our emotions were easy, we’d all be walking around as the best versions of ourselves! Life is a journey—and sometimes a struggle—but the beauty lies in moving through that struggle and allowing ourselves to truly feel.
If sitting with and understanding your emotions feels overwhelming, therapy can provide the guidance and support you need.
When beginning the therapeutic journey, some of the key goals include:
Understanding your emotions: Gaining clarity on what you’re feeling and why.
Feeling and soothing your emotions: Learning how to sit with and care for your feelings without being consumed by them.
Communicating your emotions effectively: Expressing your needs and feelings in a way that fosters connection and understanding.
Things can become complicated when we struggle with emotional over-regulation or under-regulation. Over-regulation may involve shutting down or not feeling our emotions, while under-regulation can leave us flooded and overwhelmed by them. For many, the challenge is compounded by never having learned how to soothe ourselves, often rooted in early attachment experiences.
Emotions require a delicate balance: the ability to access and tolerate them, paired with the skills to soothe and regulate them. This balance is not always intuitive, but it is something we can learn and develop with practice and support.
This work takes time, but it’s worth it. Feeling your emotions and navigating them with confidence is the foundation for personal growth and a more fulfilling life. I hope this blog post helped you look at your own unique emotional experience in a new way, and even provoked some curiosity to explore your own emotions. As always, if you need assistance with that, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
